And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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