Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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