I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
