I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I can't turn off my feet"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
