someone threw a dead crab at me
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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