Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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