I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
