He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
