I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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