FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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