i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
