My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
