The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
