I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize