he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
