It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
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He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
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Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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