What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face