I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.