So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude