I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
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what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.