His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
