and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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