I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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