I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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