What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
