i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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