so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
They are going to name an STD after you.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
