She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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