I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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