Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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