It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
