i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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