Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
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Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
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If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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