Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
