I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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