'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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