I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
