if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
