weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
