So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
