oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
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Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
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The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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