Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
