I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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