overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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