Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
last night I used snow as a chaser
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
