His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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