Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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