Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
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He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
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I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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