Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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