sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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