Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
