You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Randomize
