between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The feeling are messing with the penis
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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