Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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