so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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