So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
