thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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