Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
