Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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