He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
