Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
