Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
