Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
