people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
