i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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