apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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