i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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