My first STD was from a foam party
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
her facebook's as public as her vagina
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
