You smell like stripper and shame
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
