Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
it's like iHOP with fire
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
