youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
