You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
