I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
