Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
