a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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