found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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