i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
time to smoke my breakfast
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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