: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
